I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
