My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
