The maid of honor just puked.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
