Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
