dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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