i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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