So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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