Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
