Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
