Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
