Are we in a gay sports bar?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
