Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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