I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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