So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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