i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
