um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
