Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
