I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
