I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The beer is more important than you right now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
