they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
