how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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