I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
