I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
