Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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