Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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