I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
