Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
