It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
