Girls should come with a carfax report
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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