Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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