I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
