Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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