We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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