Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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