Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
