just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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