ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
