Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
