I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
whose parrot is this?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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