You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
