you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
