Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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