is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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