I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my phone needs a breathalizer
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
