I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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