I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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