she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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