I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
