The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
