so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ugly people sure do ruin things
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
