I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
