I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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