Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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