I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
