Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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