He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
