So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
