I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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