feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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