i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was CRYING into my vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
