i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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