this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
